


Alone

by HiddenDirector



Category: South Park
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Disorder, Episode: s22e08 Buddha Box, Fluff and Angst, Language, M/M, Season/Series 22 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-24 18:06:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17105552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HiddenDirector/pseuds/HiddenDirector
Summary: Set after the events of Buddha Box.How did a stupid box make everything go so wrong for them?





	Alone

**Author's Note:**

> This is my response to the minor plot-thread of Craig deciding he has anxiety going nowhere in the show.
> 
> Be warned, the first part of this is from the third-person limited POV of Tweek. It very much takes place in his actually anxiety-addled mind. It may make you uncomfortable to see his thought-roller-coaster. It does turn to fluff by the end of it, though, I promise.

It was supposed to be their time together.  Once a week, at Tweek’s house while his parents were working at the coffee shop.  They’d watch a movie or play video games, but the point was they’d be together.

But not this time.

It wasn’t as if Craig hadn’t shown up.  He never failed to, right on time as usual.  He knew Tweek started thinking the worst if he was late.  They sat and talked about what they’d do until the Tweak parents returned home, and everything had seemed completely normal.  At least, until they couldn’t agree.

They’d disagreed before.  Tweek’s parents assured him that all couples sometimes did.  But usually when they did they’d find a compromise.

Again… not this time.

As soon as Tweek stood his ground, refusing to budge – quite the feat for the neurotic worrier, as he usually caved in fear that things would _change_ otherwise – Craig hadn’t argued.  Hadn’t discussed, hadn’t used his maddeningly usual logic to try and reason with him.  He simply picked up that stupid box and put it on his head, phone in front of him, and… that was it.

Tweek sat on the other side of the couch from him, watching as Craig tapped away at his phone, completely ignoring him now.  He wanted to take that stupid box and throw it across the room.  The psychologist said Craig needed time to work through his anxiety when this happened.  That usually took at least an hour.

An hour of Tweek sitting there, watching, because he was afraid if he moved Craig would lift the box and find him gone.  If that happened, Craig would think he didn’t care.  And if he thought Tweek didn’t care Craig would leave.  He’d probably break up with him.  Never want to see him again.  He’d leave Tweek all alone again.

Alone like he felt right now.

Stupid box.  Stupid phone.  Stupid Tweek.  Why didn’t he just let Craig pick the movie?  Why’d he push so hard?  Sure, the movie Craig wanted to watch scared him, but _everything_ scared him.  It wouldn’t be so bad, would it?  And Craig would be watching it with him, and Craig would be happy.  Unlike now, where he was feeling so overwhelmed by Tweek’s insensitivity towards his wants that he needed to bury himself.

Why was Tweek so unreasonable?  God, he was the worst boyfriend.  Craig did everything to try and be there, to understand him.  He was the best boyfriend ever, and Tweek was just… he was garbage.  He didn’t deserve Craig.  He wouldn’t blame him if Craig dumped him right then and there for being such a selfish asshole.  He’d deserve it.  Maybe he deserved to be alone.  Forever.  He should just be alone forever because he was worthless.

No, no, no, he couldn’t handle it.  Without someone to ground him, someone reasonable, someone like Craig?  Tweek wouldn’t survive.  He couldn’t.  He needed Craig.  He didn’t deserve him, but he _needed_ him.  Worthless, weak, stupid…

Tweek let out a distressed sound and pushed himself closer to Craig, reaching out to him.  The other boy didn’t even react, didn’t notice.  Still buried in his phone.  Lost in the box.  Probably happier not knowing Tweek was there for a while.  He couldn’t touch him.  Couldn’t pull him out of his temporary reverie.  Was this what their relationship was going to be from now on?

What relationship?  It was all started because of a lie.  Because the town couldn’t handle the idea of them not being together.  Why did everyone care so much?

But Tweek was happy when he was with Craig.  He made him feel… safe.  Sane.  Normal.  Grounded.  What started as a farce to keep South Park held together turned into so much more for Tweek.  He felt like someone finally cared about him.  Really, _truly_ cared.  Like maybe someone actually lo-

Dammit, who’d love him?  His own parents were barely ever around, and when they were fed into his fears and anxieties.  The other kids at school didn’t care.  He was a punchline to them.  Why should Craig be different?  Why should he care?

What more damage could Tweek do if he interrupted Craig’s alone time?

A hand to the shoulder did nothing.

Not even the light shake Tweek built up the courage to do.  Nothing more than an annoyed grunt escaped Craig.

Worrying his bottom lip, Tweek cautioned a light nudge of the box on Craig’s head upwards.  He just wanted to get his attention.

He immediately regretted it.

“Oh my god, Tweek, _what do you want?!_ ” Craig snapped, pushing the box away from his face and turning to glare at his boyfriend.

Tweek’s heart felt like it was going to pound out of his chest as he reeled back.  Oh, god, _why did he do that?!_   Craig looked so angry at him!  He managed to just make it worse!  “Nothing!” he managed to squeak out.  “I-I-I’m s-sorry!”

Stupid, stupid, _stupid!_   This was really going to be it now.  Craig would realize how worthless of a boyfriend Tweek made and leave, wouldn’t want anything to do with him.

His breathing picked up, and he felt himself start to twitch.  He grabbed fistfuls of his hair and pulled as his mind raced.

Tweek was going to be all alone again because he was completely useless as a boyfriend.  He wasn’t even worth having as a friend.  Craig was going to realize this and walk out that door and never want anything to do with him again.

Tweek made another distressed sobbing sound as he pulled harder.  He wished the couch would just open up into a black hole and swallow him whole.  Then the world wouldn’t have to deal with his selfishness anymore.  The world would probably be better off without him.

 

\---

 

Craig’s annoyance at Tweek’s interruption of his time relaxing with his Buddha Box started to fade to concern.  He hadn’t seen Tweek look this upset since he thought North Korea was going to target him.  The blond whimpered and squeezed his eyes shut, hair breaking free in small chunks from his head as he pulled at it.  Knees pulled up to his chest.  Frantic murmuring.

God, Craig couldn’t deal with this.  He was getting uncomfortable just watching it.  He’d just put the box back on and check his email once more.  Tweek would surely calm down by then.

“I’m so s-s-sorry… please d-don’t leave…”

The whimper made Craig stop, box already halfway down.

Oh, god.

What was wrong with him?

There was a time when Craig would’ve kicked himself before he ignored Tweek.  He pulled the box off his head and stared at it as he listened to the distressed sounds his boyfriend was making.  He felt like he was waking up from a fever dream.  Why the hell was he putting a goddamn box on his head when Tweek was scared and upset?

“Useless… stupid… why did I do that…?” Tweek was muttering, tugging harder with each word.  Soon an entire fistful would give way if he wasn’t careful.

Tweek was never careful when he got like this.

Craig threw the box to the side and quickly slid across the couch to the sobbing boy, reaching up and taking his hands into his own.  He didn’t pull them down; it would only succeed in helping him tear his hair out sooner.  Instead, he held them where they were.  “Ssshhh, I’m sorry, babe,” he whispered soothingly.  He felt Tweek’s tense muscles in his hands finally start relaxing, the trembling starting to calm.  “That’s it, you’re okay…”

When Tweek’s fingers finally released his hair, Craig pulled them towards himself.  His heart clenched at the sight of the clumps of hair that came with them.

He _did_ this.  He made Tweek so distressed that he started hair-pulling again.  He was supposed to be his comfort and support, and instead, he pushed him away.  Because he was _uncomfortable_ with acknowledging how Tweek’s anxiety made him feel.

Tweek’s anxiety.

_Tweek’s_.

“I’m going to freaking kill him…” Craig growled.

Tweek flinched, looking away from him.  He tried to pull his hands back.  “I’m sorry…” he whimpered again.

Craig’s heart plummeted, and he pushed himself far enough towards Tweek to pull him into his arms.  He pet his wild, blond hair soothingly, shushing him.  “Not you, I promise.  Cartman.  How did I ever let him convince me…?”  He made a ‘tch’ sound, unable to finish the sentence.  God, he felt so stupid.  “Never mind, I’ll deal with him later.  Stop apologizing, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“But-” Tweek started, clinging to Craig like he was his lifeline.

“No, there’s nothing to apologize for,” Craig insisted.  “I was an asshole.  This stupid town is getting to me.  I’m not leaving you, I promise.  I’m right here.  I’m not going anywhere.”

Tweek didn’t say anything else.  He simply nodded, though his trembling didn’t stop.  His hitching breath, his light whimpers.

Cartman almost got between them.

No, Craig couldn’t keep blaming him.  He was the one who wanted an excuse to… he didn’t even know what he wanted.  He was just feeling stressed out from Tweek’s constant need for this kind of attention.  He couldn’t be faulted for feeling burned out, right?

But this wasn’t something he could just ignore.  They needed to find a middle ground like they always did.  He would always be Tweek’s anchor if he’d let him.  But sometimes Craig needed a way to decompress from it.  To feel better.

Craig looked at the Buddha Box sitting on the floor.  No, not that.  It wasn’t something designed to help.  It was nothing but a distraction from what mattered.  Five minutes ago he was worshipping the stupid thing, now he hated it.

Hey, that was an idea.

“Tweek, sweetheart?” Craig asked gently, putting his finger under the twitchy boy’s chin.  He tilted it up, so they were face to face.  “I think I just found a compromise so this never happens again.”

 

\---

 

Tweek watched in fascination as Craig placed the Buddha Box on the ground in his backyard.  They’d gone to the garage and gotten a sledgehammer from his dad’s workbench, as well as a pair of safety goggles.

Craig adjusted his grip on the sledgehammer, wearing a pair of Tweek’s gloves so he wouldn’t get blisters.  After a moment he finally said in his usual deadpan, “Stupid box.”  He raised the hammer behind himself, swinging it hard down onto the box.  It gave a satisfying crunching sound as the machines inside of it were smashed.  “Stupid Cartman,” he grunted next as he slammed the hammer down again, the cardboard tearing.  “Stupid hack doctor!” he actually shouted the next part as he smashed it again.  Then again.  And again.

Tweek stood back, watching it with wide eyes.  He’d never seen Craig so angry.  He felt like he should be scared, but instead, he felt… weirdly flattered.  Craig had told him this was for him.  So he’d always be there to comfort him.  It was a reminder of what was really important.

Craig said he never actually had anxiety, no matter what that psychologist had said.  He used it as an excuse like Cartman was.  He felt ashamed of it.

Tweek didn’t understand completely, but Craig had so much conviction behind the whole affair.  He was just happy that they talked about it.  Craig wouldn’t leave him.  It felt… _silly_ now that he thought of it.  That this box caused him so much grief.

“You want a turn?” Craig asked, holding out the sledgehammer.

Tweek was unsure.  “I… don’t know.  I’m not as strong as you are,” he said, wringing his hands together.  “Maybe you should just…”

“Come here,” Craig interrupted, waving him over.  Tweek didn’t argue, walking over to where Craig was.  When the black-haired boy held out his hand, Tweek didn’t even hesitate to put his own in it.  Craig smiled that crooked half-smile he always did.  He peeled one of the gloves off and slipped it onto Tweek’s, then repeated the process with the other.  He then held the hammer out again.

Tweek tentatively took the sledgehammer, not sure what to do.  He was afraid he’d swing it wrong and hurt himself.  Or, worst, accidentally hurt Craig.  He’d never forgive himself if he did that.  There was nothing he could ever do to make up for it if he-

“Turn around,” Craig instructed softly, taking Tweek’s shoulders and turning him, so he was facing the box.  He stood behind the other boy and reached around to guide Tweek on where to hold the hammer.  Once they were in the proper place, he pulled Tweek’s arms back, so the hammer almost touched Craig’s back.  “You don’t have to do anything alone anymore.  If you don’t think you can do something, I’ll be here to help.”

Tweek felt his heart flutter, but not in the usual fear-palpitations.  No, this was... good.  Wonderful.  _Amazing_.  He barely registered the feeling of Craig pushing his arms, so he swung the hammer down onto what was remaining of the Buddha Box.  It wasn’t until he felt the impact go into his hands and up his arms that he realized he’d done it.  A circuit board was shattered under the hammer.

Tweek did something he hadn’t done in what felt like ages.

He laughed.

It started in his heart, traveled down to his stomach, then up out of his mouth before he could even control it.

“Fun?” Craig guessed, sounding amused.

“Y-yeah!” Tweek managed through his giggles.  “Can… can I do it again?”

“Do it as much as you want,” Craig promised, stepping to the side.

Tweek didn’t feel like he couldn’t do it this time.  He was strong enough.  He _wasn’t_ worthless.  The box before him suddenly meant so much more.  It was his fears, his negative thoughts.  His anxieties.  So he swung the hammer over and over, crushing whatever he could on the Buddha Box.  The dumb thing would never get between him and Craig again.

After what felt like an eternity of it, Tweek finally dropped the hammer.  He took a couple steps backward before falling on his butt in the grass, still laughing.  He rubbed his sore arm muscles, not having gotten a workout like that on them ever before.  He’d probably regret it later, but for now, all he felt was relief and joy.  He almost forgot what those felt like.

Craig sat in the grass next to him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and pulling him in to lean on the black-haired fourth grader.  “Feel better?” he asked.

“Much,” Tweek sighed, pulling off the gloves and goggles before laying his head on Craig’s shoulder.

“So do I,” Craig agreed.  He leaned his own head on Tweek’s contentedly.  “Want me to bring my own hammer next time?  We can smash stuff together.”

Tweek grinned, nodding.  “I’d love that.  Together.”


End file.
